The "I’m too lazy to come in can you read me your menu" lady

Usually the high maintenance customers come through when you’ve got 4 staff already running around trying to get through the never-ending line of cars. You can almost sense them. 10 relatively easy orders in a row… you just know she’s coming. She sounds chipper and she is … annoyingly so in fact. She has no clue what’s on the menu and even less of a clue what she wants. All she knows is she’s got some other people that want stuff too and they pulled a “Surprise me!”

So she pulls up and cheerfully asks about what kind of muffins you have. You’ll run to the front display to recite what’s there.

“We have blueberry, low-fat blueberry, cranberry, low-fat cranberry, triple chocolate, raisin-bran, whole wheat carrot, fruit explosion and cranberry blueberry bran.”

“Oh” she says as though she’s surprised by such a cornucopia of muffin flavours. “Can I get the triple berry bran?”

“We don’t have a triple berry bran. We have a triple chocolate or a cranberry blueberry bran.”

“Right… ok… I’ll get the carrot explosion.”

“Whole wheat carrot OR fruit explosion.”

“Yeah that sounds good.”

“The fruit explosion?”

“Yeah. Now what kind of donuts do you have?”

“We have, Boston cream, Maple dip, honey dip, chocolate dip, vanilla dip, walnut crunch, powdered strawberry, honey crueller, chocolate glazed, double chocolate, apple fritter, blueberry fritter, sour cream glazed, old fashioned glazed, old fashioned plain and dutchies.”

“Ugh… the 4^th one.”

“Ugh… the chocolate dip?”

“Hmm… no. I’ll get the chocolate glazed explosion.”

“So the chocolate glazed? We don’t have an explosion donut.”

“Oh no? Sorry, I thought you said that. What was the apple one again?”

“Apple fritter.”

“Yeah 2 of those. A Boston cake, 3 honey crunches and 3 chocolate vanilla dip’s.”



At this point all you can do is pick items you feel match best with the names the woman has created. When you smile and hand her order out you can’t stop yourself from hoping that she isn’t a court stenographer!