The Love of Your Life

Anyone that has ever worked in customer service has experienced this shaky hands, sweaty palms and tongue-tied phenomenon, when a certain customer comes in. You could be the best at your job but this certain being turns you into a full-fledged rookie with half a brain.

                                                 

You know what time they come in because it’s your new favourite time of the day. You know their order because it’s practically the same as yours, which has to be some kind of sign right! You’ve even named them so your coworkers can alert you if they come in unexpectedly. Of course this person is incredibly kind which makes them even more attractive.

You start playing the background story game with your coworkers because well why not!

“Well he grew up on a farm which grounded him and encouraged him to study hard. He graduated from a top university at the top of his class. He listens to classic rock but his guilty pleasure is Nickelback. His mother is a beloved teacher and his father is a paediatrician working to cure leukemia. He has a younger sister that he is like a second father to. He wants 2 kids and as many animals as possible and he’s waiting for the perfect time to ask me to marry him.”

                                      

Years later when you’ve moved on and your life looks dramatically different you’ll look back and laugh at how ridiculous you were… then secretly hate the person the Love of Your Life customer is probably with!

There Are Some Who Just Don't Get It!

Life is frustrating. There are a lot of things out there you’d love to change but can’t because you simply don’t have the power! Well guess what neither does that 15-year-old trainee someone’s yelling at. 

Some days you have to question a person’s intelligence when they’re screaming at someone wearing a name tag that clearly does not say manager, supervisor or CEO. People can yell and scream all they want but all they’ll get out of it is maybe some tears and a reputation for being a shithead.

Whispers will fill the air as you and your coworkers alert each other to the shithead’s presence and an epic battle will ensue over who gets to serve them.

These people like to complain about everything. The coffee isn’t full enough, the coffee is too full and it spilled on them, why don’t you put fill to lines on the cups? The coffee’s too hot why don’t you automatically double cup even though you’re not allowed to do that unless asked to. Why are you charging for a large tea even though the customer asked for a medium tea in a large cup? Why do you keep raising prices? Why do you? Why do you? Why do YOU? Well shithead when I get the decision-making salary from the company I’ll let you know!

Illustrations by Ally Mac @ http://blogginawkward.blogspot.com/

The Seniors Bus

It’s no secret that senior citizens like bus tours and good for them for still being interested in doing stuff! The thing is people of a certain age tend to like the same things. 

Kids go for chocolate and things covered in sugar.

Adults try and be healthy opting for things with fruit and vegetables and senior citizens like bran and raisins, combine them and you’ve got a super popular product that will fly off the shelf when a bus of 35 75-year-olds pulls in.

When you see a bus drive in you sound the alarm to alert the troops it’s all hands on deck time. The seniors will slowly make their way inside and line up in front of the cash register closest to the door. Then they’ll take their turn ordering one small coffee and a raisin bran muffin.

Here’s the problem with 35 people ordering the same kind of muffin at the same time… you’ve only got about 8 raisin bran muffins baked at that moment. While most sigh and order an oatmeal raisin cookie instead, a few will grumble about how ridiculous it is that there aren’t enough muffins and that back in their day they could always get a raisin bran muffin. You manage to hold back from joking, that “Sure they could but they’d have to walk 10 miles through 4 feet of snow to get to one!” and instead you smile and sympathetically offer them an oatmeal raisin cookie, which of course they take.

 Illustrations by Ally Mac @ http://blogginawkward.blogspot.com/

Why Name Tags Suck!

Perhaps one of the worst parts about working in customer service is that you will probably have to wear a nametag. This allows perfect strangers to assume in their own creepy way that they know you, which they don’t. It would be different if people were named in a way that informed something to the world about them. For example… Likes Music Smith or Swims Frequently Kim. You would be able to conclude that Likes Music Smith likes music and Swims Frequently Kim probably swims a lot. But our names say nothing about our personalities or who we are so it’s disturbing when people throw your name in somewhere it doesn’t need to be. There is no need for a stranger to say, thank-you Megan, how are you Megan, hi Megan etc. You’re the only one serving them it’s painfully obvious they’re speaking to you. There is just no reason to use the name, it’s not like if they said hi you’d be thinking, “Who the hell is he talking to?”

Ok so it’s not so bad once in a while and only when it is used once with a normal tone and no creepy face or hand gestures. But when someone uses your name so frequently that it starts making you physically ill you’ve got yourself a problem.



“How are you today Megan?”


“Good and you?”

“Oh Megan, I’m just great! So Megan today I’d like a large coffee and Megan could you stick a couple of sugars in there for me!”

“No problem.”

“Thanks Megan! How much do I owe you Megan?”

“$1.40”

“Here you go Megan! Megan you have a great day! See you tomorrow Megan!”

Fuck off creep bag.

It’s the “See you tomorrow Megan!” that should worry you most. They are implying that they’ll be back tomorrow Megan! Megan aren’t you excited? Oh Megan you should be!

*Illustrations by Ally Mac @ http://blogginawkward.blogspot.com/

Perhaps one of the worst parts about working in customer service is that you will probably have to wear a nametag. This allows perfect strangers to assume in their own creepy way that they know you, which they don’t. It would be different if people were named in a way that informed something to the world about them. For example… Likes Music Smith or Swims Frequently Kim. You would be able to conclude that Likes Music Smith likes music and Swims Frequently Kim probably swims a lot. But our names say nothing about our personalities or who we are so it’s disturbing when people throw your name in somewhere it doesn’t need to be. There is no need for a stranger to say, thank-you Megan, how are you Megan, hi Megan etc. You’re the only one serving them it’s painfully obvious they’re speaking to you. There is just no reason to use the name, it’s not like if they said hi you’d be thinking, “Who the hell is he talking to?”

Ok so it’s not so bad once in a while and only when it is used once with a normal tone and no creepy face or hand gestures. But when someone uses your name so frequently that it starts making you physically ill you’ve got yourself a problem.

“How are you today Megan?”

“Good and you?”

OH NO! It's Raining, Guy

Sometimes it does this thing where the sky sweats, you know… it rains. 

Of course you do and you know that all it is, is water and if it gets on you it’s ok because it’ll dry up and there won’t be a single trace that it was ever there. Well… did you know there are people out there that act like rain is tiny droplets of lava pouring down to singe their exposed arm and destroy the interior of their car. And no not people who actually have a medical phobia of rain!

When this kind of customer comes through you have to be ready for the ultimate in stupidity. They give their identities away at the order box as you have to strain to hear them over the car engine and delicate pitter-patter of raindrops because they’re practically talking through the car window.

When they drive up they crack their window enough to get a couple fingers with coins out. You will have to sacrifice your dry arm to keep business going. Now here comes the best of the tricky parts. How does one get a large cup through a 2-inch crack?

Step 1 – remove lid (careful it’s still raining!)

Step 2 – dump out the coffee

Step 3 – flatten cardboard cup

Step 4 – pull the flat cup into the car carefully as some leftover coffee may drip and stain something in your car and then you’ll need to clean it with something that has the same properties as rain.

Step 5 – drive away you don’t deserve coffee

*Illustrations by Ally Mac @ http://blogginawkward.blogspot.com/

           

I’m far too pretentious for a boring old coffee do you have something that sounds exotic and impossible to spell on your menu, person

Thanks to Starbucks and other “fancy” coffee chains that charge $6 for a coffee with steamed milk everyone assumes anywhere that sells coffee makes such drinks. Well not everywhere does. Sometimes cappuccino is made using powder and that cold Frappuccino-like drink is nothing more than a sweet java syrup mixed with a bucket of water.

That’s why it’s no surprise you’ll encounter Fancy Pants Mochafrappresso person. They ask for specialty drinks everyday as if asking yesterday sparked a corporate idea that people may want to spend $6 every morning for something that looks, tastes and smells like the normal stuff but bears the description “A robust nutty flavour straight out of Africa, picked by silver backed gorilla’s, fair trade blend.” when they can get the same thing minus the gorilla’s for $1.40.

You may suggest adding a flavour shot to spice up their boring old coffee but no you don’t have the means to steam milk, which “attracted” you to the job and you don’t have non-fat skim vanilla sugarless soy almond milk. You may even want to recommend that they go buy a carton for themselves and add it to a black coffee and hey, you’ll even throw in a stir stick!




*Illustrations by Ally Mac @ http://blogginawkward.blogspot.com/