The Seniors Bus

It’s no secret that senior citizens like bus tours and good for them for still being interested in doing stuff! The thing is people of a certain age tend to like the same things. 

Kids go for chocolate and things covered in sugar.

Adults try and be healthy opting for things with fruit and vegetables and senior citizens like bran and raisins, combine them and you’ve got a super popular product that will fly off the shelf when a bus of 35 75-year-olds pulls in.

When you see a bus drive in you sound the alarm to alert the troops it’s all hands on deck time. The seniors will slowly make their way inside and line up in front of the cash register closest to the door. Then they’ll take their turn ordering one small coffee and a raisin bran muffin.

Here’s the problem with 35 people ordering the same kind of muffin at the same time… you’ve only got about 8 raisin bran muffins baked at that moment. While most sigh and order an oatmeal raisin cookie instead, a few will grumble about how ridiculous it is that there aren’t enough muffins and that back in their day they could always get a raisin bran muffin. You manage to hold back from joking, that “Sure they could but they’d have to walk 10 miles through 4 feet of snow to get to one!” and instead you smile and sympathetically offer them an oatmeal raisin cookie, which of course they take.

 Illustrations by Ally Mac @ http://blogginawkward.blogspot.com/

OH NO! It's Raining, Guy

Sometimes it does this thing where the sky sweats, you know… it rains. 

Of course you do and you know that all it is, is water and if it gets on you it’s ok because it’ll dry up and there won’t be a single trace that it was ever there. Well… did you know there are people out there that act like rain is tiny droplets of lava pouring down to singe their exposed arm and destroy the interior of their car. And no not people who actually have a medical phobia of rain!

When this kind of customer comes through you have to be ready for the ultimate in stupidity. They give their identities away at the order box as you have to strain to hear them over the car engine and delicate pitter-patter of raindrops because they’re practically talking through the car window.

When they drive up they crack their window enough to get a couple fingers with coins out. You will have to sacrifice your dry arm to keep business going. Now here comes the best of the tricky parts. How does one get a large cup through a 2-inch crack?

Step 1 – remove lid (careful it’s still raining!)

Step 2 – dump out the coffee

Step 3 – flatten cardboard cup

Step 4 – pull the flat cup into the car carefully as some leftover coffee may drip and stain something in your car and then you’ll need to clean it with something that has the same properties as rain.

Step 5 – drive away you don’t deserve coffee

*Illustrations by Ally Mac @ http://blogginawkward.blogspot.com/

           

I'm Really Not Sure You Should Be Driving

Everyone has encountered this person at some point or another… you may even be this person. More often than not they ask you to repeat the store greeting. Probably because they’ve forgotten where they are and why they’ve arrived there.

They’ll jump back into reality albeit rather slowly with a raspy “Riiight!”  proceed with their order which may go something like this,

“I’ll have a {deep breath} powdered straaaaaawberry donut {deep breath} and a {deep breath} smaaaall coffee with a {deep breath} straaawwww.”

And before you have a chance to ask if that’s all (and you know it I because they come through every week on the same day at the same time and order the same thing every time), they drive… crawl… inch forward. By the time they reach the window you’ve had to make a new coffee because the other one has turned glacial. They ever so slowly roll down their window, the old fashioned way because their car is as old as them if not older and you stand, coffee, donut and straw ready for distribution, with a smile on your face that starts to etch creases into your skin until you look just like the prune in the car.

They reach out of their window so slowly you begin to wonder if something dramatic is about to happen and with a trembling hand they release a fist full of rusty coins. Naturally a few of them tumble to the ground. “Ooooh {deep breath} deeeaarrr!” they’ll say smiling in that very cute old person way.  (By now you’ll have figured out that, the I’m not sure you should be driving person, is quite elderly and if you hadn’t there’s a good chance that you will become this person… which means you’ll reach a remarkable age so… congrats I guess!).

One by one you’ll hand out the order, which they latch onto with their tendons audibly creaking and for a minute you hold your breath as that shaky hand directs the scalding hot beverage to the takeaway tray that serves as the car’s cup holder. When the mission has been accomplished you hand out the donut and straw.

When all the items are safely inside the vehicle this person will have to unsheath the straw, fumble with the coffee lid and take a sip before they step… press… apply ¼ of the proper amount of pressure to the gas pedal and inch away from the building narrowly missing a few parked cars.

*Illustrations by Ally Mac @ http://blogginawkward.blogspot.com/